Many of you are wondering exactly how Matzah Therapy works. Although the therapeutic value of MT has been well known for thousands of years, it is only due to recent research in our lab here in Unspecified Location, Planet Earth, that a plausible explanation can be described in biochemical terms.

The matzahs used in MT are produced from powdered triticum and dihydrogen monoxide. Of course, these are the essential ingredients in most breads. There are, however, several key factors in the baking process that distinguish MT from other breads. To understand the impact of these factors, we need to understand the metabolic processes that are peculiar to Feivels.

Unlike other mechanical pets, Feivels do not live by battery packs alone. Feivels are in constant need of mental input originating from the mind of their owner. This input not only directs the emotional state of your Feivel, but also serves to replenish electrical circuits. and ensure smooth function of all parts.

Another peculiarity of Feivels is that they are programmed to be a lot of fun and very challenging. To accomplish this, they require an EF (ego function). The algorithms used to generate this state are proprietary intellectual property of SecretKabbalaSociety.com and will not be discussed further in this forum. What is important to understand is that EF, although a key element in any Feivel profile, can make an awful lot of noise. When that noise level passes over a critical threshold--this is known as "Hyper-Ego Functioning"--it effectively drowns out any signals from outside. Feivel's circuits begin auto-reiterating in recursive loops, evidenced by an expanding head, heavy eyelids and all round obnoxiousness. A Feivel suffering HyperEF displays intolerance of any other conscious being occupying a similar space or performing similar functions. Eventually, productive activity grinds to a halt, to be replaced only by demands for service and attention, often accompanied by terse insults and bad jokes.

At this point, the only way to get a mind-signal into a Feivel is by dropping one straight into its I/O port (aka mouth). That's the MT matzah. The mind-signal is embedded into an MT matzah by processing all the materials manually and mindfully. At each step along the way, those handling the MT materials recite verbally that they are doing whatever they are doing, "for the sake of matzahs for mitzvahs." At Infinity Labs, even the harvesting of the MT wheat and the drawing of MT water is performed with this mindfulness state. This is also known as "handmade matzah shmurah" or "handmade shmurah matzah"--depending on who you want to impress.

MT matzahs are capable of retaining mindfulness embedded within their molecular structure because they are flat. The eukaryotic micro organisms known as saccharomyces cerevisiae attack the fermentable sugars within moist grains, releasing carbon dioxide that inflates the dough thereby negating the mindfulness state previously embedded there. MT matzahs are placed in a fired stone oven before those nasty saccharomy guys can get to work, keeping the matzahs flat and ego free.

Consuming MT matzahs on the first night of Passover is a guaranteed method to embed their ego-balancing signal in your Feivel for an entire year. Just make sure you use quality matzahs, supervised throughout their process and hand-baked for the sake of the matzah mitzvah. Follow the instructions from your Feivel manufacturer. And remember, you can always rely on Infinity Labs for the highest quality Kabbalistic solutions.