Chet (×) is the eighth letter of the Hebrew alphabet
Numerical value: 8
Sound: "KH"
Meaning: Life
Story
Before marrying my grandmother, Rebbetzin Chava Hecht, my grandfather, Rabbi Jacob J. Hecht, told her, âI, being a âYanky,â an old-fashioned American boy, will marry you only under the following condition: I must be the head of the house.â My grandmother responded, âYou can be the head, but I will be the neck, and wherever the neck turns, the head has to follow.â
Design
The eighth letter of the aleph-bet is the chet. The chet, according to the Arizal,1 is a fusion of two letters: the vav and the zayin. On top of the vav and zayin is a chatoteret, (literally a âhumpâ) â a bridge that unites the two.2 In essence, vav represents the male principle, the husÂband. Zayin represents the female principle, the wife.3 The bridge that links them is Gâd. The Maggid of Mezritch illumiÂnates4 the verse âThe woman of valor is the crown of her husÂbandâ5 as: the zayin, the crown, signifies the position of the woman of valor safeguarding the man.
The design of the chet is representative of another type of bridge. If the relationship between vav (man) and zayin (woman) is to be complete, the two are united beneath a chupÂpah, a marriage canopy. The form of the chet looks like a marriage canopy. The word chuppah, ××פ×, even begins with a chet, for the word chuppah means chet poâ chet (Gâd, man, and woman) is po (here). Chet is the heart of marriage. Man and woman are truly united only when they are joined beneath the chuppah with the third partner, Gâd.
The Talmud6 tells us that if man and woman, ××׊ ×××Š× (ish vâisha), are meritorious, the Divine presence will rest between them. The word ish, man, is spelled ××׊, aleph, yud, shin. Isha, ×׊×, woman, is spelled aleph, shin, hei. In both ish and isha, we find the letters aleph and shin, which spell eish, the Hebrew word for fire. The fire that exists between man and woman fuels a fiery, passionate relationship. But if there were only this flame igniting the marriage, the fire of passion could all too easily be transformed into a fire of destruction. Gâd must also be in the marriage, and fortunately He is: the yud of the ish, the man, when combined with the hei of the isha, the woman, denotes the very name of Gâd.7
The comparison of a husband and wifeâs relationship to fire illustrates the secret to a healthy marriage: When two people decide to marry, there is usually fire and passion. Yet for some reason, two or three years down the line the excitement is often gone. No fire. Where did the passion go?
When a relationship begins, it is like a bonfire, and who needs to tend a bonfire? One believes that it will last forever. But in truth, the flame needs to be stoked. A husÂband can surprise his wife with flowers for Shabbat. A wife can buy her husband a gift. They can attend a class together or establish a time to learn a portion of the Torah every week. They can take long romantic walks.
Additionally, a fire cannot be sustained unless the couple works together toward a common goal. Collaborating on differÂent projects can help bond husband and wife. For example, planning a nice Shabbat meal with lots of guests is a great way to bond. The important thing to remember is that one shouldnât expect a marriage to last by itself. Unfortunately, in the United States today, more than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. The key to maintaining fire in a marriage is nurturing the kernels of communication and purpose. The two partners must work together to fortify the chatoteret, the bridge, which unites them and binds them both to Gâd.
Gematria
The numeric value of chet is eight. On the eighth day after his birth, a boy has a brit milah. What does a brit milah have to do with marÂriage? Well, one can say that after marriage there will be children, hopefully, and therefore, a brit milah. But in essence, the number eight represents transcendenceâa level beyond nature and intellect. Everything in the world of time revolves around the number seven: the seven days of the week, the seventh year being a Sabbatical year, the observance of a Hakhel year every seven years. Eight, however, represents transcendence, a level that is beyond the natural order.
To explain, the Midrash8 tells us there was a debate between Isaac and Ishmael, the two sons of Abraham. Ishmael said, âIâm better than you. Why? Because I had my brit milah when I was 13 years old. Therefore I went into it rationally. I thought about it, made my choice and did it. And I still remember it to this very day. You, on the other hand, Isaac, donât remember anything; you never had that choice. You didnât have the opportunity to agree to it. It was done by force, without your consent.â Isaac looked at Ishmael in turn and said, âNo, on the contrary. Iâm the one who is better off, because I had my brit milah at eight days rather than at 13 years.â
What did Isaac mean?9 The word brit milah means âcovenant,â a bond between two sides. If two cohorts like each other, they say, âNow we are treating each other nicely, weâre friends. But what about the future? Letâs sit down and make a pact to ensure that weâll be friends forever. Forever means that even though there may come a time when, perhaps logically, we should separateâmaybe weâre not getting along, or one of us is causing the other painâthis pact will keep us together.â
The brit milah is the pact a Jew makes with Gâd on the eighth day of his life. One can say to Gâd, âIâm not perfect and I donât follow Your Torah to the letter of the law. But You are my Gâd. Therefore You will protect me, You will sustain me, and You will watch over me.â On the other hand, even if Gâd doesnât treat us the way we think we should be treated, even if He allows us to be in exile one more moment, Gâd forbid, we wonât reject Him. We wonât forsake Him, because we have a brit milahâa covenant beyond intellectâdemanding that we stay together.
We can thus understand the advantage of a brit milah done on the eighth day versus one done at 13 years. Even though a person has free will in the latter case, his choice is made on a rational level. In contrast, a brit milah that is performed on the eighth day represents oneâs bond with Gâd that defies all levels of intellect and the natural order.
In much the same way, the Jewish peopleâs marriage to Gâd is also a relationship that transcends logic. It is a suprarational covenant, bonding both parties for eternity.
Meaning
The meaning of the word chet is chayut, which means âlife.â Life can only be considered true when it is infused with Gâdliness, because the body itself is temporary, and anyÂthing temporary cannot be true. True life is immortal and everlasting. The way one acquires everlasting life is by conÂnecting with Gâd through Torah study and the performance of mitzvahs.
In addition, the Zohar10 tells us that before an individual gets married, he or she is only âhalf a person.â It is only when we unite with our bashert (soulmate) in marriage that we become whole and complete. Since marriage allows one to connect to Gâd in the ultimate sense, then being united with oneâs soulmate is considered âtrue life.â
Furthermore, the Arizal expounds on this idea of completeÂness in terms of the specific mitzvahs that a woman is not obliÂgated to perform,11 explaining that she indeed receives the merit of the mitzvah when it is performed by her soulmate.12 SoulÂmates are partners in this regard; even before their marriage.
Because certain mitzvahs can only be done within the context of marriage, this process of shared merit is not considered comÂplete until the two halves of the soul unite under the chuppah. Gâdâs participation in the marriage is the chatoteret, the bridge, which brings the union to fruition and creates everlasting chayut.
The Talmud states: âIt is as difficult for Gâd to make a match between two people as the Splitting of the Red Sea.â13Obviously, this statement raises a few questions. What does the Red Sea have to do with marriage? And how can we call someÂthing that Gâd accomplishes âdifficultâ? Gâd is omnipotent, infinite. Yet we say that His bringing about a marriage is as difficult as the Splitting of the Red Sea? Furthermore, if one wanted to talk about something being difficult, why pick the Red Sea? In the grand scheme of things, why not mention something even more intimidatingâlike the creation of the universe?!
When Gâd created the world, He formed it ex nihiloâfrom nothing into something. If a conÂtractor is given the job of building a house from scratch, it is relatively easy. There are no standing walls to bother him and no limits to constrain him. He is able to do whatever he desires to create the perfect home. But what happens when an individual moves into a home that is dilapidated? What if the walls are crooked and he has to straighten them out? What if the pre-existing plumbing is in shambles? It is a lot harder to make that structure into a perfect home.
We find a direct parallel in the Splitting of the Red Sea. The nature of water is to flow. But what did Gâd do at the Sea? He took the fluid nature of water and transformed it into the nature of solid rock.14 He had to completely change the substance from its elemental norm. The same is true of marriage. There are two different people who come from two different homes with two different backÂgrounds. It is not challenging enough that one is a male and one is a female. Beyond that, he likes the windows open; she likes the windows closed. He likes the country. She likes the city. His mother made gefilte fish this way. Her mother made gefilte fish that way. So we have these two opposites coming together and trying to merge as one. In order for the marriage to work, the nature and constitution of each individual must change.
Now we can understand why it is as difficult for Gâd to create a marriage as it is to split the Red Sea: In order for two people to come together, each must change his or her ingrained habits. For a marriage to survive, and better yet, thrive, there needs to be a third element, a third partner, Gâd, who helps the two natures fuse.
At the Splitting of the Sea, Gâd blew a gale all night to keep the water standing. Why? Because if we are going to transform the very nature of something, we must continuously infuse that element with new life, breath and force. Therefore a marriageâwhich requires constant change by the two individuÂals involvedâmust be continuously infused with the spirit of Gâd. This is the true chet, the true chayut: man, woman and Gâd coming together in the eternal covenant of marriage.
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